...is it peace that you seek at night when you're body's weak? Did it leave you with the scars, of a war-torn ravaged heart? Do you cry your eyes to sleep?



I'm uh. In a really JC Chasez mood right now. I blame me watching ABDC and being like: Oh JC. You're just so much fail and win at the same time. <3

Fic updates posted later this week. Other than that, LOL SENIOR YEAR WHAT IS GOING ON HURR.

>___>

I'll just edit this when i'm ready to update.

Later.

This year on my birthday, I sat in bed early this morning, just as the sun was reaching over the horizon and wished for one thing, and one thing alone.

That somewhere, someone was having a birthday and was surrounded by family and friends that they loved. And that they enjoyed their day. And that they wouldn't cry today. That they smiled so hard that their cheeks hurt.

After that I made that wish on the rising sun, I rolled over, and cried myself back to sleep.

Happy Seventeenth Birthday, self. I knew you could do it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I do feel better, however. A secret birthday dinner can do wonders. Thanks Applebees!

I think I might just go to bed though. Today wasn't that bad. I was just rather lonely.

But, I shall drown this in fic! WRITING

Together we'll be running somewhere new, and nothing can hold me back from you. Through the monsoon

I can't say I'm really impressed with my mind's internal sound track. It's like, Monsoon by Tokio Hotel sometimes, then Trust You by Yuna Ito, then I Hate This Part by the Pussycat Dolls. I like the first two, but I really can't say I like Tokio Hotel. I've never liked them, but I love songs about rain and such. (downpour, drowning, london... the like) Then I have random Gundam 00 music in my head too, which is awesome because UVERworld and Yuna Ito? Ftw so hard.


I find myself updating alot more on LiveJournal, so yeah, life updates there. So uhm. Writing updates go here.

Impossible: Currently on haitus. Probably will be until Night feels like writing it again. Which will be a long while. Thank Mike Shinoda if you're upset by this. And I just haven't been in the mood for bennoda, I'm really sorry.

Awake: I should be picking that up when school starts again. The real life Xavier has messed with my head a bit, so it'll be taking a weird turn. Or not. We'll see.

The Romance: Undergoing an overhaul. You won't see it for awhile.

X-Games: Backstreet Boys fic hosted on LiveJournal and no where else. A new chapter will be posted tonight, then put down until I've written enough for regular updates.

Complexity is Simplicity... Only Not Really: A Gundam 00 fic hosted on Livejournal and no where else. Another really special story to me. It flows like no other story I've written and it's using elements that I haven't used before. <3 It should be updated every two weeks or so, until I get back in school. Then I don't know when, but I'll be writing it.

X-Men Drabbles for =Schlegel-Mach : I AM working on it. Slowly. It's all Allelujah's fault! D8

Nick and Kevin fic for ~mageintheshadows : I gotta type it, that's all. It's been done for awhile.

So that's it! I think I'll mainly stick to writing updates here. And the occasional quiz. Besides that, life updates and other things (fics, lulzy topics and such) will be at LiveJournal. SORRY!

No. No, Actually, I'm not. I met some great people on LJ, and I'm pretty happy there. dA... is...

Meh. *wanders off to LJ and DW*


<sub>I'm staring at a broken door
There's nothing left here anymore
My room is cold, it's making me insane

I've been waitin' here so long
Another moment seems to have come
I see the dark clouds comin' up again

Running through the monsoon
Beyond the world 'til the end of time
Where the rain won't hurt
Fighting the storm into the blue

And when I lose myself I think of you
Together we'll be running somewhere new
Through the monsoon just me and you

A half moon fading from my sight
I see your vision in it's light
But now it's gone and left me so alone

I'll know I have to find you now
Can hear you name and don't know how
Why can't we make this darkness feel like home?

Running through the monsoon
Beyond the world 'til the end of time
Where the rain won't hurt
Fighting the storm into the blue

And when I lose myself I think of you
Together we'll be running somewhere new
And nothing can hold me back from you
Through the monsoon, hey, hey

I'm fighting all this power coming in my way
Let it take me straight to you
I've been running night and day

I'll be with you soon just me and you
We'll be there soon, so soon

Running through the monsoon
Beyond the world 'til the end of time
Where the rain won't hurt
Fighting the storm into the blue

And when I lose myself I think of you
Together we'll be running somewhere new
And nothing can hold me back from you
Through the monsoon

Through the monsoon
Just me and you
Through the monsoon
Just me and you</sub>

I pray for this heart to be unbroken, but without you all I'm going to be is...

Incomplete


I'm doing it for the lulz, after a fairly nasty rant I wrote on LJ


10 Things I Wish I Could Say To People:

1. Suck. It. Up. Also, quit whining. And I don't dislike you because of him. I dislike you because you're a flaming bo tard. You bring social awkwardness to a new level, and I'd love to punch you in the jewels. Do me a favor, and grow some.

2. When we first started out, I thought you were awesome. I was also a deranged fangirl. And you were a deranged fanboy. When things started to fall apart, you better believe I was pissed off. When I called you out on it, and you ignored me, that's when my anger simmered over. I will never forget what we went through as friends, but I think we're best as "i'll talk to you when i see you, maybe". I don't know if you're willing to give the effort to prove that we could be friends again, and I'm not getting emotional over you again.

3. Shut up. Just. Stop. Freaking. Talking. You'll do yourself alot of good.

4. All this pent up rage cannot be good for you.

5. Get stuffed. Really. You're a godmod if i've ever seen one, and I'd love to box you in your stupid "i tpey lyke dis" face. GAH.

6. I don't know if you're a bad teacher or not, but I really wish you wouldn't smile at me like that. It's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too creepy.

7. Mmmm, maybe I need to want to change for me to change, but thanks for being a useless shrink! I changed without your... "help". And I mean help in the way one would say "You're a moron, stop talking to me like I'm six."

8. I'm not a stupid puppy dog, quit freaking huffing at me. I do get upset with you, and whether I show it or not is up to me. I really do.

9. Look. I'm trying, but it would be great if you would try too, you know? Maybe try and say something once in awhile that's progressive to whatever I'm saying? Maybe? Or you know, don't mind me. I'll just be over here, getting annoyed all over again. I'll be sure to keep that mind later on.

10. I feel like I'm falling for someone I don't know. I wish I could see you more often. I kinda hate that you can't be here, and I wish I could save you from whatever personal hell you're in. I wish I could be there for you, but how can I be there for someone I don't know completely.



Nine things about myself:

1. Righty
2. Moody, introverted.
3. I live in NY, but I wouldn't mind having a loft in England or just having a loft here, but a bit more upstate.
4. It takes alot to make me love, even though I seem otherwise.
5. I think my hair is epic.
6. I like it when I get random love.
7. I want to write and be a ultra sound technician. I'll start out in X-rays though.
8. I'm not sure if I want kids. I'm good with names though, and I LOVE the name Alexavier Michael.
9. I'm basically owned by the Backstreet Boys. And I seem to be okay with that.


Eight ways to win my heart:

1. Be a happy spaz
2. Go with the flow
3. Funny
4. Know some things that i don't
5. Open minded
6. snarky at the best times
7. gleeful and happy when the times call for it
8. chilled out. you gotta know when to just sit back and chilllll.


Seven things that cross my mind a lot:

1. Writing
2. PLOT BUNNIES. NIGHT I HATE YOU. SHOOT THE BUNNIES YOU FOO'.
3. Mom and My godmother
4. Senior Year, being Seventeen years old
5. My little sister
6. Moral dilmas having to do with religion and sometimes sex.
7. Whatever my body is up to.


Six things I do before I fall asleep:

1. WRITE. COME ON
2. I needz to set my alarm clock
3. wanna download something
4. MOAR YUNA ITO
5. Figure out what's for lunch tomorrow
6. Moan about going to work tomorrow


Five places I want to visit:

1. England, i'm thinking just to see pretty english boys with Margaret, yes?
2. California
3. Japan because my inner weeaboo won't let me forget it.
4. Germany
5. Europe, period.


Four things I‘m wearing right now:

1. Mah poka dot drawers
2. family reunion tee shirt
3. blue flower pj pants
4. bracelets my godmother gave to me.


Three bands (singers) that I listen to often:

*goes to look*

1. Backstreet Boys.
2. Darren Hayes
3. ...Beyonce



Two things I want to do before I die:

1. Fall in love with someone who loves me in return. Marriage and babies are optional.
2. Have a bestseller


One confession:
1. I know I'm an angry person. I also know how to channel my energy into something pro active. I love hard, and I love deep.



GIRLY QUIZ!!! Come on.... I know you want to take it!!!



Take this quiz
> and find out how GIRLY you are! (THIS INCLUDES GUYS!) Put x's beside
> each thing that's true about you. Each x that you put is 1% (there are 100
> possible) Have fun!!


> ...erase x's from other person who you are filling it out from.


>
> [ ] my fingernails/toenails are almost always painted [nope]
> [ ] during the summer the only shoes I wear are flip flops (in your dreams)
> [ ] my favorite toys as a child were Barbies (MAH GAMEBOY, FOO. AND MAH POWAH RANGER FIGURES)
> [ ] my favorite color is PINK or PURPLE (blue. )
> [ ] I did/do gymnastics
> [ ] I love skirts (FOR A BREEZE IN BETWEEN THE KNEES, Y/N?)
> [ ] Hollister is one of my favorite places to shop
> [ ] Tight jeans are the only jeans I'll wear (i'm sorry, my lady parts like to breathe. )
> [x] I love chocolate
> [ ] I've never had a real job [I have work inthe morning, yo]
> [x] my hair is almost always straightened [IT'S A PERM! ]
> [ ] I have a myspace ( NO. )
> [ ] I love to hang out at the mall
> [ ] I have a real diamond ring
> [ ] I've gone to a tanning salon
> [x] I've gone to the beach to tan (to turn my hair redder.)
> [x] I have 10 pairs of shoes or more (OH YOU KNOW IT. *struts in high heels*)
> [x] I wear a shower cap (i get fuzzy if i don't)
> [ ] I don't shop at Hot Topic
> [ ] My cell phone might as well be part of me (meh. i haven't had one since november)
> [ ] I wear mascara everyday
> [ ] I've been or am on a diet
> [x] bathing suits are cute [i look good in 'em too)
> [ ] I don't know the difference between a sheep and a goat
> [ ] big sunglasses are really cute!
> [ ] I have gotten my nails done before
> [ ] I own over 10 purses [ nike backpacks, ftw]
> [ ] MTV is one of my favorite channels
> [ ] all I want to do at sleepovers is talk about boys
> [x] I love to have people do my hair
> [x] I give and receive hugs from all my friends
> [ ] I hate bugs. [I have no problem squishing them though >D]
> [x] carnivals are so fun!
> [x] Summer is the BEST!
> [ ] I'm waiting for my knight in shining armor
> [x] musicians are hot
> [ ] I am self-conscious [I'm alright with myself. I know i'm okay looking, i just don't like to flaunt it.]
> [ ] I cry often
> [ ] my car smells like vanilla or cherry
> [x] my dishes get washed more than once a week (against my will)
> [ ] I don't do sports (i do it with friends)
> [ ] I don't like to run!!! [not with my boobs x3]
> [ ] I squeal when I'm surprised. [I just flinch x3]
> [ ] I eat dried fruit as a snack. [dried mangos are good but I haven‘t had those in a while. :3]
> [x] I love romance novels.
> [x] I dance around the house. [....heh?]
> [ ] I usually spend an hour or over to get ready to leave my house
> [ ] I only have like 5 billion hair products
> [x] I love to get dressed up.
> [x] Every part of my outfit needs to match.
> [ ] I talk on the phone at least once a day.
> [ ] I apply lip stuff 50 times a day
> [ ] I wish I looked like a model.
> [ ] I wish I could meet Paris Hilton
> [ ] I own Uggs
> [ ] hip hop is the best music.
> [ ] I like to be the center of attention [it just happens]
> [ ] guys with mohawks are weird.
> [ ] horses are beautiful
> [ ] I'd rather not pay attention in school
> [x] kittens are adorable (they are, i like dogs better though.)
> [ ] I write my own music
> [ ] Valentines day is cute!
> [ ] white is better than black. [I can go either way. ]
> [ ] my closet is STOCK FULL of clothes.
> [x] I love to read magazines.
> [x] I love to talk
> [x] I had Lisa Frank folders/posters/notebooks as a kid
> [ ] I love Celine Dion (she's coo'
> [ ] my bubble baths are 1-2 hrs long. [more like half an hour x3]
> [ ] I have or still do plan ahead for my wedding. (naw. i think about dresses sometimes)
> [ ] my friends and I are in a tight group tight across the globe [what? XD]
> [ ] I like little kids
> [ ] diet drinks are the best
> [ ] I'm all about being vegetarian
> [ ] I love life, every second of it. (not ever second, but it's nice)
> [ ] I have a lot of jewelry.
> [ ] my screen name(s) have x's in them
> [ ] I have/had a friend named Sierra [her was spelled Cierra XD]
> [ ] anything can be cute.
> [ ] it rocks to be a chick (sometimes)
> [x] it's not what they said it's the way they said it.
> [x] it's not what we should do it's what we shouldn't do.
> [ ] I have more than 3 pillows on my bed [I have 3 exactly. XD]
> [x] you love to play card games
> [ ] you'd rather go shopping than on a hike. [i'll be pissing on a log before I go to a mall)
> [ ] something is fuzzy or soft
> [x] you love roses
> [x] you've cried in a movie. (LOCKON DIED OKAY? DIED. STFU. AND IT WAS AN ANIME, SO THERE.)
> [ ] boys are either jerks or really nice. (boys aren't as complex as girls, but they aren't as 2d as this stupid quiz.)
> [x] it's bad when something happens and it's still bad the next day. [it can be, in my case it usually is)

...26% if I can count.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL. FIGURES.


Litte update: I'm writing fanfic and original stuff right now. Expect things in September. BSB have a new album coming out in October, and so does Chester Bennington. I'm not squeeing, I swear I'm not. I'm too blah to do so. In anycase, I don't have much to say. Unless you know me on LJ, then I had PLENTY to say a while ago.

A better update some other time, maybe.

Later

Kyo